Find a monogamous relationship: NZ’s most monogamous singles

If you’re searching for a monogamous relationship, it helps to date people who share your views on commitment and love. But where exactly can you find them? We decided to find out! Our latest study of 6,000 Kiwis has revealed which cities are home to the nation’s most monogamous men and monogamous women.

New Zealanders want monogamous relationships

According to our latest large-scale study, if you’re searching for a monogamous relationship in New Zealand, you’re in good company! We looked at the anonymous data from 6,000 Kiwis registered with EliteSingles, aiming to find out how much today’s singles prioritise monogamy in romantic relationships – and we discovered the average sentiment is very much in favour.

Participants in the study were asked to rank the extent to which they agreed with the sentiment ‘I believe that monogamy is essential in a relationship’; placing themselves on a scale of 1 (do not agree at all) to 7 (agree completely). As it turns out, Kiwis are strongly in favour of monogamy: the average result for women was 6.1, while men average 5.3.

As well as determining the averages overall, the study looked at answers geographically, finding an average result for each location and thus revealing the ten cities in New Zealand that are home to the most monogamous people overall, as well as the cities that are home to the nation’s most monogamous men and most monogamous women:

The top 10 cities to find NZ’s most monogamous people:

1. Paraparaumu
2. Kerikeri
3. Te Awamutu
4. Rangiora
5. Wellington
6. Hastings

7. Pukekohe
8. Tauranga
9. Blenheim
10. Nelson

  • As the study shows, there are singles from all across NZ looking for a serious relationship on our site. Find your local city here!

New Zealand’s most monogamous men

While, overall, men had a slightly lower average than women, it turns out that there are some cities in NZ where men are very strongly in favour of monogamous relationships and that many of these happen to be in the Wellington region! In fact, three out of the top five cities can be found in the region, with Paraparaumu taking top honours.

The top 10 cities to find NZ’s most monogamous men:

1. Paraparaumu
2. Wanaka
3. Wellington
4. Lower Hutt
5. Hastings
6. Dunedin

7. Whakatane
8. Tauranga
9. Pukekohe
10. Te Awamutu

New Zealand’s most monogamous women

Meanwhile, if you’re looking for monogamous women, you may want to head further north. While the survey showed that there are women all across NZ who believe in monogamy, they’re particularly concentrated up north, where Kerikeri is home to the nation’s most monogamous women.

The top 10 cities to find NZ’s most monogamous women:

1. Kerikeri
2. Te Awamutu
3. Blenheim
4. Queenstown
5. Pukekohe
6. Nelson

7. Paraparaumu
8. Rangiora
9. Tauranga
10. Christchurch

Why are monogamous relationships so desirable?

Why do we see monogamy as such an important factor in our romantic relationships? EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine had some insights: ‘’we tend to idealise the couple and the passion between two people. Movies, books, and nearly all the love stories we are familiar with are based around this single model that says monogamy is the way to succeed at love.’’2

She goes to say that, as society becomes more permissive, we are becoming more aware of the fact that ‘’other types of love can exist,’’ and that people are more willing to ‘’experiment with different kind of passion and love stories ‘ but that we still treat monogamous relationships as the default, in large part, perhaps, because of this societal conditioning.That said, ”the study demonstrates that there are actually still plenty of people out there who do value monogamy and want to build a lasting and loving relationship.”

Ultimately, though, the reason why so many seek monogamy is that it makes them feel happy – and whichever consensual relationship makes you feel the happiest and most secure is the right relationship for you. So, if you prioritise monogamous relationships (or not) how can you ensure that your potential partner feels the same?

Salama’s advice is to never be afraid to talk about it ‘’the biggest sign of romantic incompatibility is if you and the person you’re seeing have different expectations from the relationship. It is therefore important to ask yourself whether you’re looking for something serious or casual, and to find out if your partner wants the same things. And, to avoid getting hurt, it’s best to have this conversation early on.’’

Of course, judging by the study, if you have this conversation in Paraparaumu or Kerikeri, you may already know the kind of relationship your partner is looking for!

EliteSingles editorial, January 2017

Have questions about finding a monogamous relationship in New Zealand? Let us know below or email us at [email protected]


1 Anonymous study completed by EliteSingles researchers in December 2016, based on randomly selected data from 6,000 singles across New Zealand. Only cities that turned up 25 or more random responses were included in the geographic averages. Please note, totals may not equal 100% due to rounding.

2 This and all other Salama Marine quotes from an EliteSingles interview, January 2017

About the author: Sophie Watson

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