Dealing with a breakup: fix your broken heart

woman dealing with a breakup

It’s a position everyone’s been in; the emptiness you feel when you wake and are reminded by the empty space beside you that the person you loved has gone. Briefly we may dream ourselves of the situation and transport ourselves to a time before – but again we wake, think, and remember.

Dealing with a breakup takes time, energy and a positive frame of mind. As Bess Myerson once wrote, “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” While there is no obvious solution for how to quickly heal, we can identify the parts of the breakup which hurt the most and take progressive steps to improve our mindset.

Read on for our top advice on dealing with a breakup – or, if you’re ready to move on proactively, then why not jump right in and join EliteSingles today?

Pain is physical and emotional

Lovesickness often feels similar, or even worse, to physical pain, and we often express our feelings in physical terms, by referring to the “scars” of the breakup or that an ex “tore my heart out”. There is, in fact, a link between emotional and physical pain, though. Research shows that when dealing with a breakup, the brain often triggers sensations akin to ‘real’ pain – meaning lovesickness can truly be as painful as we often claim it is.1 This part of the healing process is often understated, despite the fact it can lead to serious emotional problems.

Want to know more? Being emotionally strong is a key part of moving forward. Discover how to embrace the right mindset with our expert tips on getting over an ex.

Connect with those closest to you

There is, however, some medicine for emotional pain; your closest friends and family. When in the early stages of handling a breakup, our bodies produce more cortisol (the hormone responsible for feelings of stress) and less norepinephrine. This chemical imbalance disrupts our mood and can be said to be what ‘heartbreak’ actually is. To overcome this, we need to break the habit of grieving alone and redress the feelings of lovesickness by spending time with your friends and family. In terms of fixing a broken heart, there may be no better medicine than that provided by your loved ones.

Want to know more? There are many ways to heal a broken heart – find out more with our expert advice about moving on.

Dealing with a breakup: acceptance is the key

Many of us respond to a breakup by immediately blocking any mention, thought or sight of the ex. It seems both a sensible and perhaps unavoidable reaction, and certainly actively looking to continue contact is usually a bad idea, but blocking the relationship from your mind entirely may not be helpful in terms of moving on. Some contemplation of the issues that led to the breakup will help you look forward and become stronger.

Want to know more? When the feelings are still there, it can be hard to know whether to make up or break up and move on. Our survey looked at how Kiwis deal with feelings for their exes.

Moving onto new romance

Understandable it may be, but closing our hearts entirely after a breakup may only serve to prolong the process of moving on. Trying to meet new people is a step which many leave for too long, weary of emotions and stress returning. Though time should be given to reflect and find support in your close friends, keeping sight of eventually finding a long-term partner is a crucial part of dealing with a breakup. When you do feel sufficiently separated from immediate post-breakup emotion, ensure that you take things slowly to meet only those you feel a genuine connection.

Want to know more? Still feeling for them? Know you’re not alone with our list of songs about missing someone

Though joining a dating site like EliteSingles may not be an instant fix for lovesickness, it can be a positive final step in the process, a way of definitely saying you’ve dealt with the breakup and are ready to move on. Are you ready to take that step? Then join us today.

If you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment below or email [email protected].

EliteSingles editorial, April 2014.


1 Kross, E., Berman, M.G., Smith, E.E., and Wager, T.D. (2011). ‘Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain’. PNAS journal, Vol. 108, no. 15, pp6270-6275.

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