Are your relationship expectations too high? Our survey found out!

single man who lives up to relationship expectations

At EliteSingles our priority is to help like-minded Kiwi singles connect. This means that we help NZ men and women meet people who match their relationship expectations. If you’re ready to discover matches that suit your requirements, then try dating with EliteSingles today!

Of course, it’s easier to get specific about your relationship expectations if you can be reassured that your desires are reasonable. To help our Kiwi members work out if they’re on the right track, EliteSingles conducted a survey about what our users want in a partner. Now for the big question: do your requirements fit in?

Relationship expectations are not universal

For those worrying if their relationship expectations are normal, there is good news. There’s no such as normal! Indeed, relationship requirements are never a one-size-fits all thing. While some singles desire professional ambition, for instance, others prefer someone who is focused on family and a future with children.

READ MORE: Are you looking for fellow single professionals? Find out more about EliteSingles professional dating.

Of course, when a group of people share a certain belief or trait, they also tend to have certain similarities when it comes to the things they want in a relationship. For example, Christian singles in NZ might expect certain levels of religious belief from a partner, while those over 50 might prioritise older dating opportunities. And, as it turns out, those who consider themselves attractive might just have the highest relationship expectations of all.

Attractive singles and higher relationship expectations

Indeed, in an EliteSingles survey about financial compatibility, we asked a sample of our members whether or not they deemed themselves ‘attractive.’ At the same time, we asked them about the values they assigned to five popular relationship expectations: good looks, a sense of humour, wealth, success, and intelligence.

READ MORE: The survey also looked at what kind of financial compatibility is needed for lasting love – discover the answer here!

The survey revealed that those who believe they rate as ‘attractive’ were inclined to attach high importance to these key partner characteristics, whereas those who rate themselves ‘unattractive’ give these same attributes less weight. For example, while 83 per cent of ‘attractive’ singles think that their partner should be wealthy, just 63 per cent of respondents who didn’t tick the ‘attractive’ box think the same.

This was a theme repeated across all attributes: from requirements for intelligence (69 per cent/ 42 per cent) to demands for wit (78 percent/ 71 per cent), to expectations of success (92 percent/ 69 per cent). If a person saw themselves as ‘attractive’ then they had more exacting requirements than someone who didn’t.

Self confidence and aiming high when dating

The interesting thing about these results is that the survey did not look at attractiveness as an objective truth. Instead it asked people to self-identify as ‘attractive’ (or not). This means that these results really show a quite simple dynamic: singles with a lot of self-confidence are happy to aim high when it comes to love.

Psychologist and EliteSingles researcher Dr Wiebke Neberich pointed out that this fits in with most theories about one’s sense of worth when dating. She says ‘’the most important thing regulating the partner market seems to be one’s own perceived ‘market value’ …what we get depends on what we ourselves [think we] have to offer. Attractiveness is a valued quality and can thus be ‘exchanged’ at a good ‘price.’”

READ MORE: Is it a good idea to be specific when dating or should you try to keep your options open? We discussed the paradox of choice here.

Of course, at EliteSingles, we believe that getting specific about your relationship expectations can only be a good thing – even when those expectations are on the high side. After all, how else can you be connected to someone truly compatible? What’s more, we believe that this specificity shouldn’t be a privilege reserved just for the ‘attractive’ – everyone should have a chance to meet someone wonderful.

Indeed, we believe that all of our members deserve nothing less than a partner who suits their relationship expectations, someone who reveals this happy truth: everyone is attractive in the eyes of those who love them.

Are you ready to meet that compatible person who sees your beauty, inside and out? Then try EliteSingles today.


All percentages based on a survey of 500 EliteSingles members from New Zealand, Australia, the United Kingdom, Canada, Ireland and South Africa. Statistics may not equal 100% due to rounding and multiple choice answers.

About the author: Sophie Watson

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