When we are caught up in the whirlwind of attraction it can be easy to gloss over crummy behaviour. But, a truly rewarding relationship can only come from a mutually…
Every couple in the world faces their share of relationship problems. It’s simply a fact of love. However, those in healthy relationships have a trick up their sleeves: they know how to move past their problems and emerge stronger and more united than ever. So, what’s their secret? How do they manage conflicts and find lasting love?
With the help of EliteSingles psychologist, Salama Marine, we discovered three of the most common relationship problems – and the best ways to fix them.
The problem: Trust
Trust (and the lack thereof) can make or break a relationship. After all, trust is vital for that sense of security and support that is at the heart of all healthy partnerships and without it, all sorts of insecurities can arise, insecurities that will end up eating away at the strongest bonds.
The fix: Objectivity
It is natural to feel our confidence ebbing every now and then, particularly if we have been treated badly in a past relationship. However, it is really important to not let these old wounds fester to the point where they infect our chances of starting afresh. For this reason Salama advises that, if you’re debating whether or not to trust a new partner, you must first ‘’take a step back and analyse the situation objectively. Ask yourself whether you’re viewing your relationship problems based on facts or whether other emotions are influencing your perception. Don’t let a previous bad relationship ruin a current one.’’1
Further advice: Still have questions about trust? Learn four more ways to build trust in a relationship.
The problem: Money
It’s often said that money is the root of all evil, and while that’s debatable, what is true is that it’s the root of many relationship problems. From feelings of inadequacy related to differing levels of financial success to tension between one partner’s desire to spend and the other’s need to save; there are many, many ways to fight about money.
The fix: Honesty
Salama points out that ‘’individuals often restrain from being honest with their partner through fear of causing upset,’’ particularly when it comes to a sensitive topic like money. However, avoiding this upset often ends up causing it: financial honesty is a far better way to help your partner understand your position. If you‘re the less well-off person, don’t get yourself into debt or stew in resentment, simply let your partner know when you can’t afford something. Similarly, if money is not an issue for you, try and appreciate that this isn’t true for everyone – and perhaps remind your partner of all the ways in which you genuinely appreciate their other relationship contributions.
Further advice: What influence does money really have on love? Read about our study on financial compatibility here
The problem: Sex
Sex-related relationship problems are very common: after all, while we know intellectually that libidos can naturally wax and wane over a lifetime, it’s not always easy to understand this emotionally. What’s more, it can tricky to express these feelings of frustration or low desire without dredging up an accompanying cloud of blame, guilt and inadequacy.
The fix: Communication
If you’re not feeling satisfied in your sex life, keeping it to yourself will help precisely no-one. It is extremely important to let your partner know how you’re feeling – while also remaining considerate that their needs may be different. Salama recommends a two-part approach to this: first, you must create a safe emotional space for the two of you to talk, approaching the issue from a place of generosity and understanding. Next, you and your partner must communicate your desires to one another, so that you both have a clear idea of what is needed for mutual satisfaction. It’s also important to remember that intimacy can take many forms – assure your partner that you love them regardless, focus on the activities that you both currently desire and be patient about the rest.
Further advice: good communication is a top habit of all happy couples. Discover the seven steps to healthy relationships here!
All couples face rough patches, but it is possible to come through them stronger than ever. If you use objectivity, honesty and good communication, you will be well prepared to solve your relationship problems the right way – together. As the old saying goes, it’s you and me vs. the problem, NOT you vs. me.
Ready to meet a partner who can stick with you in the rough times and celebrate with you in the good? Try EliteSingles today – register here.
EliteSingles editorial September 2015
If you have questions or tips about how to solve relationship problems please comment below or email us at [email protected]
1 Salama Marine is a registered psychologist who trained at the Paris College of Psychological Practitioners. All quotes are from an exclusive EliteSingles interview, August 2015.