Alarm bells: 5 warning signs that your partner is emotionally unavailable
Here’s the thing though; as attractive and seductive as these people might seem, trying to have a meaningful partnership with them can be emotionally exhausting. It doesn’t matter how much you are prepared to give – if they are unwilling (or unable) to give back, then long-term relationship fulfillment will be tough to find.
So, how can you know if a potential partner is open to love or not? And what can you do about it? We’re here to help. We’ve identified five of the key warning signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable – and asked our in-house psychologist, Salama Marine, for her advice on finding the great relationship and reciprocal love that you really are worthy of.
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5 signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable
1. They want your relationship to be a secret
Emotionally available people want a prospective partner to be a part of their life. They’ll be proud to introduce you to their friends and happy for you to meet their family. Now, this process may take some time (if, for instance, they’re a single parent introducing their kids), but it will happen, just as they will want to meet the people important to you.1
If, however, there’s always an excuse as to why you can’t meet their whanau, or if they won’t let you tell people about your dates because of complicated reasons (e.g. ‘my crazy ex might cause trouble’) then be wary. You might have an emotionally unavailable person on your hands.
2. They bombard you with texts – then it all goes quiet.
At first, it’s great. They text you all the time; your message apps pinging with alerts late into the night. Then, suddenly, nada. You go a weekend without hearing from them, then a full week. Or two! When they finally get back to you they’re all apologies – work has been crazy, their friends demanding. If this happens once, the excuse might be valid. But, if you see a pattern emerging, it’s a clear sign that this person is emotionally unavailable.
The truth is, if someone wants to really be with you, and you’re clearly open to the idea, they won’t forget to get in touch for weeks, even if they’re busy. They’ll want to hear your voice and arrange your next date – and they’ll make the effort to be available.2