What happens when you break up with someone you still have feelings for? Our latest survey asked Kiwis about making up and breaking up, and looked at leading relationship advice…
Break ups are difficult, as is being turned down by someone before you’ve even begun. EliteSingles Psychologist Salama Marine considers how to get over a broken heart by focusing on the psychology behind those bruised feelings. Learn how to stop feeling hurt, angry and sad and how to start dealing with rejection.
Dealing with rejection is never easy, whether it be post break-up or even pre-relationship. The ensuring hurt can damage people’s egos, leaving individuals feeling insecure with low self confidence. However, if you’re feeling the sting, there are actions you can take to mitigate the hurt. We asked EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine for her insights:
Why does rejection hurt so much?
In simpler times, humans would live in tribal communities for safety as there was little chance of survival alone in the wild. As a result, our brains instilled a warning system informing us of the dangers of being rejected by a community. This explains why the negative feeling of rejection is still prominent in society today: it’s our brains making a case for survival.
With modern relationships in our modern world, the meeting of this ancient warning system with new technologies can cause interesting results. For, at the same time as the brain is holding on to this primal need to please the community, technology (and specifically social networks) are making that community wider than ever before, making it impossible to please everyone. What’s more, the instant nature of modern communication ensures that any reactions (such as missing the person) can be felt with immediate effect.
How social media forces us to deal with rejection
This need to deal with rejection-via-social-media also can hit us on a more personal level. The ever increasing use of social media networks and dating apps mean that everyone is constantly connected through a range of sources, and therefore able to see when someone is online and not instantly replying to a message
This makes people feel hurt, rejected and ignored. What’s more, it’s hard in these cases not to take it personally because society is overly aware of what everyone is doing online – it’s only too easy to compare the messages others get with your own inbox, and to then feel like you’re missing out.
This accumulation of rejection from a range of different networks could be considered one of the downsides of contemporary life, and certainly it directly impacts on individuals, leaving them feeling sensitive and vulnerable. Whichever form it takes, rejection hurts and is one of the biggest hurdles for singles to have to overcome. But there are ways to successfully deal with rejection.
EliteSingles editorial November 2016
If you have any questions (or any tips!) for dealing with rejection, please let us know. You can comment below or contact us at [email protected]